Meet Baby Jones

In one instance:
ME: “Let’s go back inside now.”
Avery vigorously shakes his head from side to side.

In another instance:
ME: “Let’s take a nap now.”
Avery vigorously shakes his head from side to side.

Yet another instance:
ME: “You want your yogurt?”
Avery vigorously shakes his head from side to side, and then points to the bacon his father tantalizingly left on the counter.

And just this morning:
ME: “Are you ready to get out of the tub now?”
Avery vigorously shakes his head from side to side.
ME: “But there’s no more water in the tub.”
Avery vigorously shakes his head from side to side.
ME: “Aren’t you cold?”
Avery vigorously shakes his head from side to side.
ME: “How can you not be cold when I am freeeeezing?”
Avery shrugs his shoulders and turns his palms up.
ME: “Ok, well, you can stay here if you want, but I’m going to your room now, k?
Avery vigorously shakes his head from side to side.
ME: “Aren’t you dizzy from all that shaking?”
Avery vigorously shakes his head from side to side.

And so it has begun. The hex my father put on me 21 years ago when I was 15 and I came home past my curfew, that curse has begun. My child has learned to tell me “no”.

Heaven help me.

Mel: Stop. Breathe. Be.
Me: Is that the same as stop, drop and roll?
Mel: No, that’s in the case of fire.
Me: Oh.

Me: “That was really heroic of the Titanic’s Captain to go down with his ship. Are they all expected to do that?”

Mel: “Yeah, they are.”

Me: “Says who? Is it like some kind of unwritten rule or something?”

Mel: “Yes. I saw somewhere where a boat was sinking and the Captain of the boat wouldn’t jump off because he had to stay with his boat.”

Me: “I don’t believe it.”

Mel: “Google it.”

Me: “You Google it. I’m making breakfast.”

After 2 minutes trying to look this up on the internet…

Mel: “I can’t find it, but it’s true.”

Me: “It’s bizarre if it’s true. I mean, is it like a fear of not getting another job because they didn’t go down with their ship?”

Mel: “Yeah, something like that.”

Me: “Either you’re dead or unemployed forever. That sucks.”